Dylan Parry:Slider Death Note
by The Mighty DYLDO
Summary: A really bad fic... I won't ever finish it, since it started to lose control... Um... I'd advise you read /s/5430607/1/LAWLIET Looks Like Light Lost 1, it's better than this.
1. Death Note Universe

**Dylan Parry: Slider of Reality. DEATH NOTE TALES.**

**Hey people, this is a continuation of my previous story in the Haruhi Suzumiya anime section, but, you don't have to read that, since I finished it WAY too early, with a completely random sequence of events… You can mentally retcon it if you think it's rubbish.**

**I'd like to mention that I own nothing except for Dylan, since he's just me… Oh, and there's the Editor, but since I killed him in my last fic, I don't think he's really going to come back…**

**All things other than those two are copyright of their respective owners.**

**Also, if you'd like to do a Dylan Parry: Slider Of Reality story, you can! Just PM me your idea, and more than likely I'll say it's alright… **

**Think of Dylan as a character like the webcomic character Jenny Everywhere: Any one can use him, just as long they keep the fundamentals of his character right…**

**Heh. It'll be interesting if anyone else can write my character accurately…**

**I've been wanting to do a Death Note fanfiction for a LONG time, but most of my ideas have… failed.**

**This one might work.**

**Hopefully. [note: I'm basically coming up with ideas as I write, with no real plan, so that's why my last and technically first uploaded ficton was so random by the end of the 3****rd**** chapter.]**

The Portal opened up in front of me, and I ran towards it before the little girl who was suddenly floating off the ground with yellow, glowing eyes.

I had just made her unlock her true potential, and it was highly possible that universe was going to destroy itself if I didn't leave… NOW!

I jumped.

_Heh. Be seeing you, Haruhi. Try to keep your universe together… We may meet again one day._

The portal shifted and shimmered, and I tried really hard not to think of anything.

But, my mind was stuck on anime, after the Haruhi universe.

My mind shifted to the world of Death Note, and I couldn't resist the thought.

_Damnit. I'm going to go to the universe within which a Death Note exists._

The portal changed colour a final time, to a deep, dark, spooky black, then I fell unconscious.

I woke up.

_Hmm. Where am I? Oh. Bugger._

It was a lot like those old Looney Toons cartoons, the ones that they don't make any more for reasons I don't know and I'm not all that fussed about it.

But, to summarise, imagine me as Wily Coyote, and a city as a canyon floor.

"SHIIIIITT… HEY, THIS IS KINDA FUN, EVEN IF I DO DIE…" I screamed as I fell.

Something… Broke my path.

I saw a black wing shimmer in front of my vision, then it faded.

I was reminded of a Somebody Else's Problem Field, a peculiar type of energy field that is within at least one timeline in the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy Universe, a reality which I think I'll try to go to next time.

I quickly moved my head to look away from the creature that I was clearly flying on, then saw another wing, and a quick glimpse of an earring before the field covered up his presence.

I knew then what I was riding on.

Ryuk, the shinigami.

Hmm. If he's this high in the air… The series may have only just started. Light would just be starting out. Hmm. I have a plan.

"Ryuk!" I shouted, hoping I was looking at his face, and not his butt or something, "I know what you are! You are a Shinigami, one who dropped one of his Death Notes into the world of humans! A young man called Yagami Light has picked up yours, hasn't he? Well, I know what happens, as I come from an alternate reality to this one, where Death Notes don't exist… And the events which are going to happen are a part of a series on televison and in human literature. Don't kill me, and I can probably get you lots of apples, without you needing to steal them!"

It was probably the apples that did it.

Ryuk slowly drifted down to Earth, probably trying to speak to me, but there was no way I could trick the SEP field into allowing me to hear his voice, but I could occasionally see his face, and his mouth opened every now and then.

I got off Ryuk, [**yeah, I can see the dodgyness in that little bit… Ignore it, and we'll move on. There will be no getting off on things that are so spikey in MY fanfic!**], and looked around.

This Place… seemed familiar. But perhaps it was just because I watched the anime so much.

"Ryuk, I can't hear you… I can sort of see you on the very edge of my vision, but I suppose since I have had no contact with a real Death Note, I shouldn't be able to see or hear you at all… Can you go to Light, then try to get me access to the Death Note? Perrsuade him I am willing to help him destroy evil-doers if he's already reached that point of thinking… Make a mark on that bit of soil there if you will do this for me."

I watched as the ground in front of me shifted, and I saw deep lines appear in the ground.

OK.

"Be back soon, okay!" I shouted after him.

I waited.

_Seems like I do a lot of waiting in this universe traversing nonsense that I do… I wish I could have had some kind of guarantee as to when he'll get back…_

I checked through my pockets, since I didn't remember giving the club members of the protoganists of the last universe their equipment back.

Nothing, other than a picture of them all.

_Hmm… Where did this come from? No-one gave me a picture…_

I flipped it over to the white side.

_Aww… That's a nice touch._

I read the inscription.

Dear Dylan, Thanks for getting rid of the Editor, you did the right thing. The Time Travel Agency decided to let him be the only thing in existence at the end of everything. He explained to us his last encounter with you, and he noticed that you looked really guilty whenever you mentioned us, and apparently he thought you were afraid of getting close to people who your universe believe are fictional. We hope you get over this, as we suspect that there is no way to control your powers, so you might as well have fun whilst you're travelling.

Haruhi eventually calms down, although she claims to have a lot of headaches, and after a while she slowly matures and realises her own powers properly.

She rules the Earth wisely and carefully, and although she occasionally opened up Closed Space, she never really got round to creating a new universe.

Your Sincerely,

Kyon.

PS, Asahina says your theory is right, whatever that means… She says it's classified for me to know though… She's going back to the future for some reason soon, and she keeps on giggling with Haruhi right now… It's weird… Even Yuki's hanging around Haruhi more now… And Haruhi herself is more happy… I have no idea what's going on now, as usual.

_Heh. Kyon, I wonder how you managed to get this message to me? I wonder if you were the one meant to be a Slider in your multiverse? Heh. Haruhi is SO pregnant… That's why Asahina's leaving, she knows that she probably shouldn't meet her past self._

I looked at the picture of the SOS brigade, and smiled.

I barely even noticed that Ryuk was back, partially because he was almost completely intangible to me, but also because I was reminiscing over all of my past Shifting activities.

I felt a ice cold hand poke me on the shoulder, and I looked up, and saw a Light Yagami standing to the left of where I could see Ryuk.

I stood up.

"Hi. My name is… Um… I don't really want to give you my real name… Call me Jack."

"Ah, good idea. The Death Note said it worked via name and face… My name is… Renji."

I looked at him in the face, and was struck by a slightly random thought.

"You're naming yourself after the slightly psychotic Shinigami in the anime Bleach? Heh. Amusing. I know your name, Light Yagami, since I come from a universe where all of this is a fictional universe."

"Ah… So presumably, there is a group of animators somewhere and a group of storywriters that have created me?"

"Yeah. I would guess that they'd have godly powers in this world, since they created it… I'm just a fairly ordinary guy, admittedly a fan of the anime and the manga, who happens to travel from one universe to another."

"Oh. Hey, Ryuk, can you shut up for a bit! I'm trying to hear what this guy's saying! What? Let him touch the Death Note? Well, if it's just a touch…"

Light poked a corner of the death note at my hand, and suddenly Ryuk faded into existence.

"Hey Ryuk."

"Yo." he said, his mouth smiled wide.

"Tell me, is Rem in this universe yet?"

"Rem?!? Ah, no. Why, does he?"

"Eventually. You'll see him before Light and me, but I know which human he'll appear for."

[**note: For some reason I originally thought Ryuk was female. I know he's constantly referred to as being a he, but there's something about the good old fellow that makes me think of little girls… Even his murderous nature reminds me of a little sister of a friend I used to know who use to kick me in the balls every time she saw me… I still don't have any theory why. Anyway, we'll return to the story in progress now, sorry for wasting your time! ********]**

"Hmm… So Rem will appear… Interesting. I'll keep an eye out, thanks."

"Um… guys? Would anyone want to tell me who Rem is and why Ryuk should keep an eye out for him?"

"Rem is…" I started, thinking of what would be okay for Light to know, "Another Shinigami, one who will have lost his Death Note in this world, much like Ryuk lost his. You'll come across him when you eventually… But you'll be fairly safe."

"Oh." he said, looking rather happy with this reasoning.

_Oh my god, Light! Seriously, how come you're so accepting of my presence here? Perhaps it's because you don't know my name and can't do anything on a supernatural note to me… And you don't know enough about me, but I know almost everything about you. So you're waiting for me to feed you info._

_Well, I'd rather you just act naturally…_

"So, where am I going to stay while I'm here? I kindof don't have a home…" I asked, curious.

Light looked like he was deep in thought.

"Okay… This might be a problem. You can't exactly stay at my place… Not for more than a few days…"

"Yeah, a month-long sleepover would look suspicious, especially to the Police Chief…"

"Wait, how do you know who my father is… Oh, wait. anime."

"Yeah. I can't remember everything in the series, but I can recall most of it. Right up to your dea-" I said, trying to stop myself.

"My death?" Light said, looking fearful, yet also enraged. "You've seen my death? You HAVE to tell me."

**What would you do, if you could prevent one of your favourite characters' deaths, through altering the history of the series?**

**Would you save Light, knowing that he would kill millions of evil-doers? **

**Would you kill Hitler if you went back in time?**

**I wouldn't. The consequences of any future knowledge are grave things indeed.**

**In the Hitler example, the Second World War may have just happened under different circumstances, and also, if it hadn't happened, it is very likely that the circumstances around your own existence would be changed. You may not have been born.**

**In Light's example, you could change something quite terrible in the future events of his world.**

**So, of course, I wouldn't hurt him… Not intentionally, anyway.**


	2. A New Challenger Has Appeared!

**So, the last time we met, Dylan accidentally revealed that he knew of the future events of the Death Note series to Light Yagami, 3 weeks after he found the Death Note.**

**Using the alias Jack Crowe to prevent Light from being able to kill him with the Death Note, the only real problem is stopping his name from being revealed, and preventing the future from being changed.**

**Oh, and finding a place to stay… **

"You have GOT to tell me how I die."

Light was glaring at me, almost ordering me to tell him his future.

"Light… I can't. I can help you prevent it closer to the time, but I don't want to change it yet. Besides, the ending made no sense whatsoever to me… Your actions close to the end made no sense, so I'll just make you think logically at that point."

Light looked like he was about to say something, but I cut him off.

"NO." I shouted at him, glaring with an equal ferocity. "You have no power over me, as you do not know my name. You cannot make me do anything, Light Yagami, he who would wield the power of a God! And besides, since you allowed the Death Note to touch my flesh, I have equal claim over it now. We are both wielding it. And together… We can bring justice to this world!"

Light looked at me incredulously, but then his face went back into his logical insane person mode.

_Good. I want you to keep this mode up. I suppose this means I'll be the source of all your good ideas._

We eventually decided that I could stay in a nearby hotel, with Light paying, since I had no money.

To be honest, I think it was mostly fear that drove Light to helping me out, as I could have written his name in the Death Note, but he couldn't for me.

Part of me was tempted to do the Shinigami Eye deal with Ryuk, but since that would halve my lifespan, and in my life, I tend to encounter a lot of danger, I decided against it.

Besides, I knew L's real name… Or at least, what everyone in my world seemed to eventually agree on in the end…. L Lawliet.

_Admittedly,the first name, L, seems a little odd, but hey, this is anime… It's highly possible that it would work with just the letter L, as I'm pretty sure it never mentions we have to use the FULL name._

Light kept a page of the Death Note on him at all times, but he also kept the book in the explosive desk mechanism that he did in the series.

I suggested he got a watch which he could secretly hide a piece of the Death Note in, the amount of space is enough for one name, and he said he would work on it.

I was reluctant to use the Death Note, but I did try one name, which Light picked for me. It was an unspoken agreement that my role in this partnership was to be like a time traveller: Knows a lot about the future, but cannot reveal it, lest it all changes.

It was interesting how there were slight differences in Light's techniques…

Sure, he did kill most people with heart attacks, but on the second hour of a session with the Note, he always made one person have a suicide.

I was almost certain that he had rarely done a suicide in the anime. Admittedly it's been a year since before I first shifted that I watched the anime and read the manga…

Eventually, I realised that it had been a month of me watching the news and advising Light, and basically just surviving when I noticed it.

The news was reporting a large increase in temperature in just this region of Japan.

It was… Interesting, as it was in the middle of winter when it happened, and then suddenly it felt like the deepest, hottest part of summer.

_I can't say I didn't expect something like this. Even though I kept my presence here minimal, I suppose I've done something that works with chaos theory… The slightest change in the past can grow exponentially by the future. I would guess that the universe is trying to create something to oppose me… Another equivalent of the Editor, my last main enemy, I would presume._ _The heat must be caused by some huge exothermic reactions, perhaps, in the creation of a creature._

_Another evil to take down my good intentions. Or, since I'm taking part in killing things, I would suppose that it would be some kind of angel, since my actions are, I suppose, evil._

I phoned Light that night, telling him that there may be another like me, one who would be unsympathetic with his and mine's mutual goals.

"He is likely to be identical to me in almost every way, just morally reversed."

"What, so he'll be a evil person with some kind of ally with a book that's… Capable of saving people from the Death Note? Or maybe able to raise the dead?"

"Probably not. I suspect I know who he will ally with though. Your future adversary, L. After all, L is your logical enemy, and therefore, mine. I would presume that he would know everything I know, but with his own personal details."

"Hmm. What can I do about it?"

"Well, I'll keep a lookout for the time when it happens, but in the meantime, try to increase your efforts on the Note. I'll take care of the Slider when he appears."

**Yay! I get to add in another OC! **

**Basically, I thought that it was a little unfair for Light to have a new ally with knowledge from another universe… So why not L, who, I would like to remind you, has not appeared yet…**


	3. School Daze random thoughts

**Hmm… So, a new villain, since my character has no real opponent… And to quote that Food Critic dude in Ratatouille, "That is against the RULES."**

**Also, people, did you know that various memes are in Scribblenauts? I just found out that longcat and tacgnol are in there, alongside Rickroll, Michael Jackson, and Large Hadron Collider are in there too.**

**I like MJ. He randomly dances at times. Even when I spawned a huge dragon behind him, with a castle between them, but still visible to him, he was dancing away. **

**Yeah, not much to say this time, except that the arrangement with Light will be awkward until they go to university… Basically, Dylan has NO real input into the Death Note, and is basically an oracle.**

**Heehee, I would LOVE to be an oracle. "Do you see anything bad in my future?" "I see nothing, except for a lot of lower back pain." "Why is that?" The girl says, her breasts jiggling.**

**Holy crap Dominic Deegan became epic since then.**

**Um… Let's just get on with the DN-ness… [That reminds me, I got a DVD copy of DNangel earlier… I'm dying to watch it… Maybe later… Or now… Or tomorrow… Or… Ah whatever the DVD's in there already.]**

…

**[watches DVD]**

…

**This is the worst piece of crap that I have bought and not torrented before doing so.**

**I was expecting… A phantom thief, with a EVIL mentaility… **

**In terms of names, Dark is lame, as he is such a… Well, he's the obvious cutieboy that the female character the main character likes will fall in love with, causing a Betty Brant-Spiderman-Peter-Parker Loveline which looks like a triangle from a distance.**

**Krad is also… Stupid. But, luckily, he isn't in most of the anime, so all is well.**

**Also, at the very end, is there like, neon signs saying "Yaoi artists: Get your groove on here if you want, because there wasn't enough obvious pornable scenes we could have done in this series!!!"**

**It could have been cool, but, I think I'll go watch a Magical Girl thing now… [hey, technically Daisuke is a rare breed- a Magical Boy. But he is full of Phail.]**

**Um… A little off-topic, no?**

**Ah, c'est la anime, non? C'est awesome, oui?**

**[yeah. I should get with the plot now. [woo that works on two levels [what the hell stop putting brackets in the brackets [why not [damnit! [besides you did it yourself [OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII]]]]]**

**Um… Yeah. I've been busy.**

**So, on with the STORY!!!**

* * *

I went to school.

It was difficult to forge an identity, but since Light's dad was the Police Chief, Light had access to police files on how some criminals have been forging identities.

It rather helped that there was a version of me in this world, still in Wales.

A part of me felt a strong urge to go and meet my family, but I instinctively knew that this was like time travelling- you don't mess with yourself, as I was almost certain that I would meet myself in this universe.

_Hey, L comes from England, right? Hmm. I wonder if I can… Nah. Finding out where he lives would be epic. Then I could find his real-world equivalent if I ever got home. No. No. No. That would be BAD. Because then I would have access to information that a huge amount of Death Note fangirls would want. Must… Resist… Great… Power… Because… Responsibility… Cripples… Free… Spirits…_

It was… Weird.

I mean, I had finished secondary school just before the first time I jumped from one universe to another, and here I am again, in my final year at a new school.

_One thing I can say that's nice about Japan- skirts. And the sailory outfit I've seen various girls wear today, albeit mostly too young girls? Nice, especially as I've only seen that kind of outfit in the real world on exceptionally fat anime fans. It's such a shame so many otaku are ugly as hell… When the art they view is beautiful._

_I could say the same about myself, but the long amount of time without food and water in many universes has made me rather thin, and the training and fighting has made me much stronger. _

_Out of curiosity though… Why the hell are there no supermarkets in the Pokemon universe? I was so hungry the last time I was in Saffron… Hope I don't go there again._

Maths.

Woo Quadratics. I was going to be a business uni student. Quadratics are nothing new.

English.

The electronic thingie in my ear means I can speak and understand any language known to mankind in the Doctor's multiverse by the year 2203. Admittedly I find Klingon rather hard.

Also, ENGLISH IS MY BIRTHTONGUE. Let's move on, shall we?

Chemistry.

Blah blah blah amines[**HEH LOOKS LIKE IT SAYS ANIME!**], blah blah blah identifying, yeah, whatever, just get me some goggles and some solutions.

Biology.

You stick your scalpel in there, you stick your finger in there, you wiggle it about and then you cut through the flesh. You do the hokey cokey and you spin around, you're dissecting a heart! Meh, done it before.

Physics.

When you can travel between universes in an awesome interdimensional wormhole/portal thing, standard physics and basic quantum mechanics quickly becomes old news.

Japanese.

This was Light's fault. He put me down as a Japanese learner. Damnit. Have to fake incompetence with a language I speak often in these kinds of worlds, a.k.a. anime ones.

Lunchtime.

Hung out with Light, and avoided the gossiping about us two. Apparently, Light was the most likely dude to be a closet homosexual, which would explain his repressed behaviour. I suspect that this was this universe's way of referencing all the Death Note Yaoi out there. Admittedly, even I can admit, as a straight guy, that there were some rather… um… nice pictures of Light out there…. You do not have to be gay to appreciate the male figure. Trust me on this, guys.

Met some girls. Giggly. I suspect that the storywriters called these three "girl who mentions being dumped in ep1," "girl who texts in ep 3", and "random background girl with a really, really long tongue, or at least, so it looks."

I almost gave Light my real name at one point by accident.

Hotel.

Watched TV for a bit, hoping some of Light's handiwork would appear.

"We are about to interrupt this broadcast for a message from the ICPO."

_ICPO?!? Fuck, L's making his appearance… I am so going to change this!_

I picked up my phone, but then I received a text message.

**_Hello. You were about to change the events of the story, weren't you, cutie? Heh. If you do that, then I have to make it return to normal. That's the rules. _**

I checked the Phone ID. Apparently it was someone known as Lucy.

_FUCK. I hate fighting against girls. They're all like "OO-ER, you hit a girl, you must be gay", and then men and boyfriends start starting on me more than they would if it was a guy, on the basis that one does not hit girls under any circumstances. Fuck that shit. If they've got a knife to your throat, you strike, and strike hard._

I had a plan though. I texted Light.

**_DO NOT KILL L. IMPORTANT. FAKE. HAVE PLAN._**

I watched as the text was sent, and watched the news.

"L" made his little speech, and then there was the moment when Light would have written the name.

…

…

…

_Five._

_Four._

_Three. _

_Two._

_One._

_Thunderbirds, are go._

I watched as the L took a sip of his drink, choked, then fell over.

Then he got up.

"Sorry about that, water went down the wrong way."

The channel turned to the good old fashioned static. _Funny, I would have thought the Digital Switchover happened in the early 12th century in Japan, with their technological awesomeness. Then again, there is still usage of classic radio musicy thingies in the anime, so..._

I waited precisely 12 minutes, then wrote down the fake's name.

Wherever they were broadcasting it next, it was there where L would make his move.

Text Message.

**_Hmm… Very cute. Would have worked too, if I hadn't made sure it was a half-hour gap between each showing. We should meet. I'll see you at the Arcade restaurant place in Shinjuku… Or whatever it's called. You should google it, I think. Go there after you're done. Don't call the protoganist._**

_H__mm. Proof that she's like me then. I would call him a protagonist if I was her too. Sounds more formal and villainious. To be honest, she better have a sexy voice or something, with all the time she's calling me cute... I bet Batman wouldn't have been able to cope if it turned out that Catwoman was a 93 year old obese prostitute with AIDS... Seriously, that'd be creepy._

I did do the search, even though the Google search could have been used as a tracing mechanism to find the killer.

_Hmm. Shinjuku is a real place… I'm sure there's an important train station there, in terms of the anime... Doesn't Light do a major killing of a person whilst on the train, and almost gets caught, but doesn't because he was conveniently in the right place to be hidden… Holy crap, an arcade that doubles as a restaurant? If this is a girl, I think I love her._

I left my building and walked down to the nearest train station.

Tickets, train, WOOSH.

* * *

**Hey people… I just noticed that Kyon's letter in the early chapters made no sense.**

**This was mostly due to the small fact that I was hungover, and that it was originally meant to be from Asahina, but I liked the idea of Kyon getting a message across about his confusion over Haruhi's obvious pregnancy… I found that amusing at the time, but didn't delete the time traveller bits.**

**Imagine it as being partially written by both, with different handwriting… Sort of… Scrap bits of paper shoved together.**

**And how did it get on me? Well, Asahina apparently shoved it in my coat pocket whilst I was sleeping in Yuki's… Yeah. There's no plot holes here, honest!**

**[I suspect that I read Bob and George too much before they finished.]**


	4. A dinner to kill Things With

**Not much to say right now, except that I'm writing at 2 in the morning… So most of this chapter will be set on a dark night, simply because my brain cannot process bright lights right now.**

**EDIT: The last couple of paragraphs were done at 9am, just before doing a simple lecturage... Qualatative Skills is the easiest module EVAH.**

**Speaking of EVAs, I need to watch NGE in one sitting... It makes no sense if you leave a week between watching each one.... Maybe in Reading Week, the university equivalent of a half term week off before the exams...**

**

* * *

  
**

I went over to the restaurant. I was beginning to piece together who this 'Lucy' could be. I had quickly changed into a casual suit before leaving, unsure how formal an arcade/restaurant would be.

Effectively knowing everything I know…

Probably of similar build…

Most likely another Slider…

Probably into the same things.

But just… Different gender and aligned themselves with L rather than Light.

This might be… Fun.

I walked in. Hmm.

Went over to the Donkey Kong machine, and had a shiver.

_One of these days, I'll probably end up in the real version of this… It's going to be horrible, since I can't get past level 2… _

I walked away from it.

I felt… Something in the air.

If I was a poet, I would call it love, but it felt slightly more like a challenge.

I looked around and saw it.

Super Smash Bros.

The original N64 game.

And an amazingly… hot woman was playing on it.

_Down boy, this isn't the time for that. Let's just GAME ON!_

I walked over.

"Fancy a game?" I asked, trying to sound cool. I most likely failed. I tend to do that a lot.

"Hmm? Oh, y-yeah, sure!"

_Hmm. stammer. Interesting, especially on a woman who's holding herself as confidentally as this. Usually on women you can tell their mentality by how they stand. This woman is clearly used to giving orders, or at least being in command._

_This might not even be Lucy. But SSB is something I haven't played for a long time._

I picked Link.

She picked Jigglypuff.

"Seriously, you're picking the pink ball?" I asked, looking at her face incredulously.

_Note here people: I am not looking at her breasts, as lovely as they may be: one, I'm not a pervert, much, and two, I need to have blood in my brain, not anywhere else._

"And you're picking the pretty fairy boy?" she asked, her face similar to mine, except somehow more… well, obviously feminine.

_I hope I'm not your opposite… Seriously, If I'm as masculine as you are feminine, I'd have a lot more beardyness. Not to mention that I would probably resemble a Lumberjack, or something that muscley._

We fought.

Her jiggles proved her well in my first two lives in our three lives each match, but eventually my skills returned to my mind.

_I… Remember how to always win against the computer, and she's playing a lot like it._

Hookshot! Body! THROW IT AWAY!

_Right, she's winning by 1 life._

Hookshot! Body! THROW IT AWAY!

_Good, we're tied. 1 life each. Now it's going to heat up._

Hookshot! Miss! Get hit in the face!

_Hmm. I'm making a note here, HUGE FAIL… Damn Portal appearing in my mind._

We both looked at each other.

The slightest grapple move would send our characters flying off into nowhere.

We were perfectly matched.

It was… interesting.

Especially since my last major villain was perfectly matched against me for a long time in Oarim Kart, a cheap copy of Mario Kart.

_This is rather… fun. _

"So, your name is Lucy, then?" I asked, after we both mutually decided not to play any further, due to us both being so equal.

"Yeah… And you're Dylan."

We were both silent for a bit.

"So… What were you named after?" She asked, looking at me with her eyes half closed in a way that made me wish she was naked suddenly.

"Dylan the rabbit."

"OMG that is SO cool! I was named after that Beatles song…"

"What- I am the walrus, kookookachu? I don't see how Lucy resembles a walrus… Except physically… Seriously, you is well fat, girl!" I said, trying my best to convey that I was trying to joke.

"How gentlemanly of you to say so. Also, did you know that walruses are pretty damn deadly?"

"Oh… Cool. Like hippos then."

"Yeah… cute but deadly…"

"Like care bears!" we both said, and then it lead into a conversation about the various universes we had both been to.

Apparently, she had been in a complementary set of universes to me. Apart from my own, each one was identical, except for her own, which had everyone's gender opposite.

As I told her about it being Neil and not Neilette Armstrong [**trust me, there's weirder women's names out there in our world than Neilette… Consider that you can have a man called Marie in France.**], she ordered some food at a table I didn't even know we were sitting on.

"I'll have a gammon steak with an egg and a pineapple slice on top, with chips and a coke." she ordered.

"I'll have the same." I said.

We waited. We both pulled out our phones and played Super Mario on them.

That was an interesting feature of both universes- most fictional characters were the same gender as their interdimensional counterpart, except for Tedd from the webcomic El Goonish Shive… In her universe, he was a she, called Tess, but other than that, a lot of the interwebs was the same.

We chatted for a while about random things like that, then our food arrived.

Then we both cleared our throats at the same time.

I let her begin, being the gentleman that I am.

"So, I suppose you want to know why I invited you here, right?" she asked.

I mused the answer for a second.

"Not really. It's standard rules of fair play in combat. Let your opponent know who you are and their motives for fighting. However, you appear to be almost identical to me, except for the gender and who you landed nearby. Therefore, I expect that this is some kind of a mental guise you're taking on to prevent me from getting close to the real you. Similarly, I am doing a Sherlock Holms impression right now to make myself seem cleverer than I am, and also to prevent myself from finding you attractive. In addition, I suspect you have brought me here in order to prevent me from gate crashing the meeting between L and Light's father, which may or may not be occurring in the same hotel which I am staying at, which is suspiciously convenient, I daresay, because the hotel in the series where L meets the team had more gold colours, not the steel monstrosity that I'm staying at…"

She began to clap.

"Elementary, wasn't it, Dawson? You really, really, do think like me. And thanks for the compliments, you're a bit of a sexy fellow yourself. However, you and me cannot shag, as I wish to do so with you, because we are so close on a genetic level that we are like doubly brother and sister."

"Great. So we're like Luke and Leia. totally into each other to begin with, then find out related, then, BAM! Keeping away from each other." I said, sounding rather bitter.

"Not really… I mean, we could do stuff together, but it would have to be with a condom, and it would be like an intense version of masturbation, technically…"

"Okay, shall we just keep things to business then, for now, as hearing a woman speak exactly the way I think is rather creepy."

"Same towards the way you speak."

We ate some more lasagne. It was EPIC.

Then I began to choke on coke.

Then I was okay.

Then I finished my food. Had a mint.

We split the bill between us.

Then we exchanged phone numbers. Our phones had apparently coped with the same two phones on the same network by assigning each one a special code, which differentiated the two.

I decided to ask something.

"Hey, has Light done the Raye Penbar thing he did in the anime? I was certain that he did kill him, but I haven't heard a single word off of him about it… Is Raye dead yet, since he should be… At least, well before we see L…"

"Yeah… It's kinda weird that Penbar is alive…"she said, looking worried, "I would have thought that if it had happened, L would have known…"

"Do you have the same problem as I have with Light?"

"What problem would that be?"

"That they don't listen, and they expect you to be the font of all wisdom when they fuck up…"

"Oh, yeah, L was practically begging me to tell him where Light would be… It didn't really hurt the plotline when I told him it was definitely in Kanto…"

"Yeah, especially as it was kinda obvious that it wasn't a worldwide broadcast."

"Hmm." She said, scratching her hand as she thought, "It's difficult to say what is obvious and what isn't, with all the retrospective knowledge we have here…."

Her phone rang.

"Yes? Okay. Right. Right. What? No! Huh? Yes…. Hmm. I'll be back soon, I've just got some unfinished business to do, okay?"

She hung up.

"Who was that, boobie-me?"

"Eurgh I hate the Austina Powers movies so much… Flower Power gets annoying after a while. Anyway, it was L. He wants me to come back, there's apparently some drawings, just as I predicted… I suppose you had better call Light…He'll probably be starting to get his crazy eye on…."

"Heh."

We walked a little longer, and then I realised something.

"Hang on… If L is in my hotel tonight, then… The entire investigation is in the same hotel as me!!!"

She giggled, something which sounded weird coming from a female me. I suppose it's no different from my occasional chuckling…. I suppose.

"Yep! L even ordered lots of porn as a cover as what he's doing in there…"

"Wait, you mean the alleged couple in the room next to me, who go at it for more than 6 hours straight…. Were fake? GODDAMNIT, I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL THE FIRST NIGHT I HAD TO LISTEN TO THAT CRAP!"

"heehee." Lucy giggled, "And I get to live in a mansion with L…"

There was a bit too strong amount of emotion when she said that.

"Luce… You're not falling for L, right? I mean, he's fictional!"

"Oh, Dylan, don't be such a prude. I'm not falling in love with him, I just want to strip him naked and have fun with him."

"Ah. Apparently you can do one without the other then. Good for you."

"Oh, Dylan, we share mostly the same memories, except that I had a reason for being bad tempred some days…. So I know that you are fully capable of being able to sleep with a person without loving them."

"Oh really?"

"Ya, really."

"NO WAI!"

"Well… You haven't already been doing it with him, have you? Think of all the billions of fangirls back home who would herald you as the chosen one if you got pregnant with his kid…"

"Heh. The chosen one, hmm?"

"Besides, in keeping with the identical thing we've got, if you got pregnant, then would have the problem of finding an opposite to L to get pregnant… Which wouldn't work. Light would be too male to be able to be, and Misa… Is slightly creepy, although admittedly I haven't met her yet."

"Oh, chill, man! I haven't done anything with him yet… Although, admittedly we are sleeping in the same bed…"

"What?"

"Well, there's apparently an issue of trust he has with me that he doesn't sense around anyone else- he suspects that my intentions aren't good."

"So he sleeps… with you? To check his suspicions?"

"Yep!" she smiled cheerfully and suspiciously innocently.

I looked at her. I thought about it from her perspective.

"You're a virgin, aren't you? In my universe, I once had sex with what was probably the most manliest minded girl ever, so I'm not, but in yours, it would have been a guy, so… Guys are always naturally shy, thus, you would not have had any action."

She looked at me, her eyes tearful.

"NOOO! You have uncovered my secret! I'm melting! I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeellllltttiinnnggg…"

She actually really did melt then, giving off bits of steam.

I watched as she faded into nothing.

"Okay… That was… Weird."

I decided to go home and sleep a lot.

* * *

**Yeah… Working with L, Lucy has a lot of resources at her disposal, so she can do completely random crap like this as much as she likes… Interestingly enough, can you imagine a gender-swapped Death Note? Light Yagami… As a girl?**

**For some reason, I can imagine a female L and a male Misa rather easily, but most of the Yagamis are quite difficult to imagine.**

**Also, isn't an arcade restaurant the bestest idea ever? The tables themselves are arcade machines!!! But they have the usual kind too...**


End file.
